Thursday, July 24, 2014

mostly me, by penelope (who stole my cheetos?)




Alarmed and distressed, Penelope Kitten races into the office where Cynthia and Marcy are blogging.

penelope kitten (sounding the alarm):  food bowl is empty!

No response as Cynthia glances at Marcy apprehensively.

penelope kitten:  it's empty!

Cynthia:  I know.

penelope kitten:  then why is it empty? where are my dry crunchies?

Marcy (smugly):  You don't get anymore dry crunchies. You're on a diet.

penelope kitten:  Gasp!

Cynthia:  Marcy. Let me handle this. (To Penelope) We're switching you over to a mostly wet food diet.

Penelope is stricken with horror.

Cynthia (gently):  I'm sorry, Penelope, but you've gained too much weight so we have to cut back on your dry food. According to Dr. Pierson of CatInfo.org, it's not natural for a cat to eat food with grain and corn all day long. Too much dry food is causing the diabetes epidemic among house cats.

Marcy:  Yeah. You look like a bowling ball with feet.




Cynthia:  Marcy!

Marcy:  What. It's true. We all saw her fall while jumping up on the bookshelf yesterday.

Cynthia (to Penelope): You don't want to get diabetes do you? That's scary.

penelope kitten:  but i love my dry crunchies.

Cynthia:  You can still have them, just not all day long.

Marcy:  Yeah. You wolf down the crunchies the same way Cindy devours a box of cookies.

Cynthia:  Marcy's right about that. Eating dry food is like eating junk food. It's got too much plant protein which is bad for cats, not enough water, and too many carbohydrates.

Marcy:  Cindy's obsessed with carbs now.

Cynthia:  Marcy. I am not obsessed. I am concerned.

penelope kitten:  i won't be able to live without my dry crunchies all day long.

Cynthia:  But you like wet food. I promise you won't be hungry.

Marcy:  All-you-can-eat Friskies Pate is the best.

Cynthia:  You need to exercise more too. I'm joining a ballet class to help get my own blood sugar levels down. Why don't I sign you up for kitty ballet?


The Cats Ballet Studio by Kilkennycat Art for Sale on Etsy


Penelope looks doubtful.

Marcy:  If you ate wet food like me, you'd be able to jump up onto the bookshelf without falling and having me and Scooter laugh at you.

penelope kitten:  okay. i'll go. but only if i can wear a pink tutu.

Cynthia:  Great.

penelope kitten:  and have dry crunchies after.


*Kilkennycat Art is having a 20% off sale of artwork, ornaments, and prints over $18. Code is Birthday.


You might also like: 

  My Life As A Leafy Green Vegetable

 mostly me, by penelope (kitten rumble)

Monday, July 21, 2014

My Life As A Leafy Green Vegetable


cynthia 


Marcy enters to find Cynthia looking a little freaked out.

Marcy:  You look a little freaked out. What gives?

Cynthia: I'm not sure. I had a routine blood test and the results are that I'm possibly... prediabetic.

Marcy:  That's awesome!

Cynthia (sharply):  What?

Marcy:  Prediabolical is great. It means you're almost diabolical. Way to go, Cindy. I didn't think you had it in you.

Cynthia:  Prediabetic. It means I've got too much sugar ... or carbohydrates...or something. I don't know. I have to see the doctor about it.

Marcy (knowingly):  It's because you don't eat meat. If you ate Friskies instead of pasta and grape nuts and cookies you wouldn't be in this fix.

Cynthia (annoyed):  I'm not eating meat, Marcy. But you're right, I have been eating too many cookies lately.

Marcy:  If you ate Friskies then -

Cynthia (snapping):  I'm not eating meat!

Marcy:  Okay. No need to be crabby.

Cynthia:  I'll just cut back on the carbs, eliminate sugar, and exercise more until I can find out what the deal is. Maybe it's just a blip.

Marcy:  So what will you eat?

Cynthia:  Vegetables.

Marcy:  And?

Cynthia (cranky):  I don't know, Marcy. Vegetables. I eat a lot of them anyway. I'll just... you know... eat more.

great recipe for a green salad from PBS


Marcy:  More? You already eat enough lettuce and carrots that I worry the rabbits of the world are going hungry.

Bunny Rabbit Print by CorellaDesign for sale on Etsy


Cynthia:  Yeah right. As if you worry about the welfare of rabbits.

Marcy: Now, if you ate ... meat, I would recommend Friskies. It's by far the -

Cynthia (diabolically):  I ... will not. Eat meat. 

I will figure out how to be a vegetarian and stay healthy at the same time. So. Are you going to help me with this?

Marcy:  As long as I don't have to eat anything green. Yuck.

Cynthia (suddenly brightening):  You know, this could be an interesting journey. C'mon. Let's see what's in our kitchen and count those carbs.

Marcy and Cynthia trot off to the kitchen to do some investigating.

Marcy:  And I'll count Friskies cans.


Thursday, July 17, 2014

The Greatest Goofiest Guinea Pig Interview ... From Pets Add Life (PAL)



Marcy catches Cynthia watching a video with a talking guinea pig.

Marcy (accusing):  What are you doing?!

Cynthia hastily slams her computer shut.

Cynthia (shrugging):  Nothing. Nothing at all.

Marcy:  You were watching that guinea pig video again. The one that promotes getting a friend for your pet.

Cynthia:  So?

Marcy:  So I don't want another pet. I hate pets. There are too many pets around here as it is.

Cynthia:  You are so unsocial, Marcy. It's highly unusual. Most animals need a friend. And Pets Add Life comes up with the most adorable videos promoting pet adoption. C'mon! Watch it with me.

Marcy:  Fine.

Marcy and Cynthia watch the goofy and sweet guinea pig interview.

Marcy gets wide-eyed and starts drooling.

Marcy:  I've changed my mind.

Cynthia:  Ah ha!

Marcy (licking her chops):  I want him for a pet.



*About PAL - In their own words. 

"Pets Add Life is a non-profit campaign established by the American Pet Products Association. The mission of PAL is to increase awareness of the bonds and other rewards associated with pets of all types. Through primarily social media, PAL encourages pet adoption, responsible pet ownership and multiple pet adoptions. Ultimately, the purpose of PAL is to spread the joys that come with pet ownership." 


Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Still Life With Girl And Cat


                   Cat & Mouse by Ella Ruth Cowperthwaite



For the past two hours, Cynthia has been intently staring at Pinterest and Marcy has been intently staring at a bug on the wall.

Cynthia:  Sigh... there are some photographs that I could stare at all day.


source unknown


Cynthia:  Some photographs are infinitely interesting. Don't you just love the candid intimacy of these shots of girls with their cats?


'Ibsen' by Anna Morosini


         lesfemmes.tumblr.com


Marcy:  No.

Cynthia:  Really? No?!

Marcy:  Why stare at a static, dead photograph when you could stare at this bug on the wall?

Cynthia:  But if a photograph is good, it isn't static or dead. It's alive. It's a work of art.


source unknown


Marcy:  No way. My bug is a work of art. It's like live theatre.

Cynthia:  Oh yeah?

Marcy:  At any moment it will try to fly off and then who knows what I will do with it? Bat it around? Torture it? Kill it? Eat it? Kill it and eat it? The possibilities are endless and enthralling.

Intrigued by Marcy's enthusiasm, Cynthia gets up to take a closer look at Marcy's bug.

Cynthia:  Ummmmm.... Marcy... that's a nail that used to hold up our clock that broke.

Marcy (indignant):  No. It's not. It's a bug. His name is Brian.

Cynthia shakes her head and wanders off, wondering if all cats are slightly insane.



*As is always the case on Pinterest, many photos do not have watermarks and finding the photographer is sometimes impossible. Please do let me know if you have the correct source for any of these photographs. It's a shame for these wonderful pictures to go uncredited.


Saturday, July 12, 2014

It's Hot And I'm Wearing A Fur Coat: 10 Tips For Cooling Down Your Cat

Marcy Loses Her Cool


Marcy (yelling):  I'M SO HOT.

Cynthia (concerned):  You okay?

Marcy:  NOOOOOOOO. I'M SWEATING THROUGH MY PAWS.

Cynthia (panicking):  That's a bad sign. What can I do?

Marcy:  Turn on the air conditioning already!

Cynthia (panicking even more):  We don't have air conditioning.

Marcy (still yelling):  Fine. Then. Do This!

Cynthia frantically runs around doing all of the things Marcy suggests for keeping kitties cool during the summer heat.

1. Turn on the fans. 

2. Put a pan of ice in front of the fan.

3. Block out the sun by closing the blinds. 

4. Fill up a plastic bottle with water/Freeze it/Wrap it in a towel/Put it in my kitty bed. 

5. Elevate my kitty bed so air passes under it.

6. Put ice cubes in my water dish.

7. Throw ice cubes on the floor so I can play with them and drink the water as they melt.

8. Rub me with a damp washcloth or paper towel or even your own damp hands.

9. Make sure to brush me so I don't get matted fur which traps in the heat.

10. Consider getting the fur shaved on my stomach since that is a place where I heat up.

In record time, Cynthia completes every task except number 10. She grabs her car keys.

Cynthia:  Okay, let's go to the groomer's to get your tummy shaved.

Marcy cools off in front of the fan whilst cradling an ice cube.

Marcy:  Are you crazy? That look was so last year.


Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Pink, White, And Blue: My eShakti Review


Cynthia in the Colorblock Stripe Poplin Skirt from eShakti


Cynthia:  Marcy! eShakti asked me to review one of their skirts for our blog. Isn't that awesome?

Marcy (grumpily):  Hmpf. Could be dangerous.

Cynthia (surprised):  What? Why?

Marcy:  What if you don't like it? What if it doesn't fit? What if it isn't your style?

Cynthia:  No chance. This is eShakti we're talking about. The clothes are custom made to your specific measurements, height, and style. You get to pick the length and if you want pockets or not. Dresses even come with sleeve options.

I got the Color Block Stripe Poplin Skirt in Navy and Pink. It's high waisted and a midi-length. I also think this would look fabulous at a knee-length or even above the knee.

Cynthia in the Colorblock Stripe Poplin Skirt from eShakti


Marcy:  You sound like an ad.

Cynthia:  Well, it is kind of. But you know, if I didn't like my skirt I would have sent it back and not reviewed it. But I love it. It fits perfectly. And the pink on blue makes me smile.


Cynthia in the Colorblock Stripe Poplin Skirt from eShakti


Marcy:  Hmpf. So you're selling out for free stuff now.

Cynthia:  Marcy. Calm down. You know I turned down the teeth whitening company, the tacky jewelry company, and the strange app company.

Marcy:  Hmpf.

Cynthia:  Oh and the hair loss company.

Marcy:  Hmpf. Probably should've taken the hair loss company up on their offer.

Cynthia (alarmed and patting her head):  Really?

Marcy:  Hmpf.

Cynthia:  I must applaud eShakti for providing affordable custom clothing for women of all sizes. They cater to sizes 0-36W. I mean, who does that? In their own words -

"At eShakti we never want to tell a woman her size is not available. We believe that all women have the right to wear affordable fashion that is made for them and makes them look their best."

I think that's really nice.

Marcy:  So it's all flowers and sunshine. Hmpf.

Cynthia:  Marcy. No need to be cynical. You're just jealous because Friskies hasn't approached you to be in their ads.

Marcy:  Hmpf. It's not fair that you get a skirt and I get nothing. I say nice things about Friskies all the time.

Cynthia:  If I could make one suggestion to eShakti it would be to please not ship with DHL. In my area, they are terrible and I have had packages either not arrive or sit on the driver's truck for a week. My skirt did arrive promptly with no mishaps, but it made me nervous nonetheless.

Marcy:  Hmpf.

Cynthia:  Here. This will make you happy, Marcy. eShakti is offering everyone a discount code of 10% off their entire purchase and the code is... "marcies"!

Marcy purrs.

Cynthia: The 10% discount code "marcies" is good through July 30th, 2014. Details are below. So what do you think, Marcy? Pretty cool, hunh?!

Marcy:  Yeah. So why don't you take your cute skirt out for a date at the grocery store. I need more Friskies. It's almost dinnertime.



*Code has to be entered in the ‘promotional code’ box.   It is not case-sensitive.  
Code can be used any number of times until the validity period. 
It can be clubbed with any other promotional offer, gift coupon or gift card in the same order unless explicitly specified otherwise in the offer conditions.
This discount code is not applicable on clearance / sale, gift cards & overstock categories.
Not applicable on previous purchases.

*eShakti can be found on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter too!


Monday, July 7, 2014

Heather Pasternak Arrives At The Hollywood Fringe In Fabulous Feline Fashion

Heather Pasternak


Cynthia:  Look who showed up at the last performance of our Hollywood Fringe Festival play, Telenovela Wives of Pancho Villa, in the cutest kitty cat romper?

Marcy:  No way!

Cynthia:  Yup. It's her. Heather Pasternak.

Marcy:  It is her. OMG. Hello Pasternak! We think you're a ferociously funny and critically cool chick!

Cynthia:  Heather was gifted this romper. Or, skort I should say. So we are not sure where it's from.

Marcy:  A what?

Cynthia:  A skort. You know, a skirt from the front and shorts from the back. It was trendy in the '80's. I used to wear them all the time.

Marcy stares at Cynthia blankly.

Cynthia:  Here's a view from the back.

Heather Pasternak


Cynthia:  See what I mean?

Marcy:  No.

Cynthia:  Really?

Marcy:  That's a dress.

Cynthia:  Oh. You're right. Well anyway, here's a close-up of the cat print.

Close-up of Heather's Cat Print Dress


Cynthia:  Not only is Heather a terrifically talented actor and stand-up comedienne, she is also a cat lover and advocate. And has been her whole life. She inherited it from her mom who used to help out strays in their neighborhood when she was a kid. Here's Heather with a cat she rescued while living in Harlem, NY when she was a student at NYU.

Heather and her cat


Cynthia:  How come you don't hug me like that, Marcy? What am I? Chopped liver?


Heather Getting A Kitty Hug From Her Cat


Marcy:  Oh, I'd hug you if you were chopped liver.

*If you are in Los Angeles, you simply must check out Heather's stand-up act. She performs in the comedy clubs around here a few times a week and you can check out her dates and locations on her website, HelloPasternak.com